Ad Lucem

Tears

2012-01-17T16:34:00.000-06:00

Tonight I can't sleep. All I can do is remember, and all the memories hurt so much. And I can't help thinking, if only I'd had this experience earlier, I wouldn't have to go through it now; I would have known better; I wouldn't have hurt you; and I wouldn't have hurt me. . . .

She looks at me like I'm everything she ever wanted, bites her lip not to tell me, tells me to sit beside her because she can't stand it when I'm not by her side. And all the while I feel nothing, nothing but this hollow, horrible ache that isn't for her, and then there's this soul-crushing sadness which is.

I know in that instant that I've become everything I hate, everything I despise about this world. She tells me I'm not like them, that I'm different, tries to console me as I break her heart. How can that be?

Now you despise me too. I marvel at how she's taking it, the way she still finds to laugh or smile, while I taste the ashes of my regret. Better that I break my heart than hers, but someone beat her to it, so there's no justice in this.

I didn't have the experience to know any better, but that's such a weak excuse. I was afraid to be alone. Afraid to look up at the sky, pick a star for a wish, and make it mine. You can't let go of someone by holding on to someone else, you just end up having to let go of them both, and that's twice as hard.

We've said everything we had to; she's being so understanding. I'm barely holding it together, and I'm surprised, because it wasn't like this when I broke up with the girl who stole my heart. Now I don't have my heart, I supposedly can't feel a thing, and yet I've never been so raw.

She hugs me goodbye, and it's the kind of hug that you'll never forget for as long as you live. She doesn't want to let me go. She can't. I don't want to let go either, or push her away. I whisper I'm sorry. She kisses my neck. It needs to end, but this is goodbye, and we know there's no going back. This is where I lose it. I never cry in public, but now the tears are streaming.

As we finally break apart she lays back against the booth, her eyes are closed so she can't see me, so I can't see her tears. By now I can't see either and my voice is broken as I say goodbye one last time. I start stumbling away. She opens her eyes and they widen with shock to see me undone. She's so sad, but somehow she tries to comfort me anyway. I give her half a smile, thank her for everything, and I'm walking away.

I don't look back.

I can't.

Real Writer's Block

2011-09-30T12:22:00.002-05:00

There are three types of writer's block. The first is the one most commonly thought of, that a writer gets blocked because they run out of things to say, or they run into a thorny point in their plot.

The second type occurs once you're done writing your book. Now you have a finished product and you need to market it, either to a publisher, or as is becoming more common nowadays, directly to your audience. The block at this stage is rejection. Maybe no publisher wants to publish you, or no agent wants to sign you, or even worse, no reader wants to buy or even finish your book.

All of this leads to the third and most deadly type of writer's block: despair. This is when you forget why you're a writer and start to wonder if you're just wasting your time.

But if you look at any writer who's made it, and most of the ones who are now invidiously famous, you'll see a pattern. First came rejection, then came . . .

Persistence. They kept going even when they felt like giving up. Here are some good examples that should encourage you to keep going even when it seems like you should just quit:

Danielle Steel: Published her first book right away, but next five went unpublished. She persisted and the sixth book found a publisher again.

Steven King: While writing his breakthrough success, Carrie, King became discouraged with his work and threw a partial of it in the trash. His wife encouraged him to finish it and the book later earned a paltry $2,500 advance. The paperback rights subsequently earned $400,000.

John Grisham was rejected 25 times before his first novel found publication.

The stories like these are endless, but they all go to show that you should never give up. If you try hard enough and persist long enough, sooner or later you'll get there.

Open Your Eyes

2011-04-17T16:33:00.004-05:00

Open your eyes.

Let them see,

All the things that you could be.

Don’t stand by your wasted tries.

Or think you had your chance,

Now it’s gone, and you let it die,

Make your plans.

Hold on tight, and swallow that sigh.

A dream isn’t always what it seems.

Sometimes along the way you get lost.

You ask yourself why and what it means,

Or simply stop to count the cost.

Open your eyes.

Imagine what you could be,

If you silenced all the lies,

And could finally see.

Africa's Snow White Now Available for Kindle!

2011-03-20T14:14:00.000-05:00

I have just made the first two books in the Africa's Snow White series available from Amazon.com in Kindle format. Both books are currently selling for $2.99. Follow the links below to buy:

ASW I: Summer Love - Jealous Winter
ASW II: Prince Charming

NOW AVAILABLE! -- Africa's Snow White II: Prince Charming

2010-12-01T13:39:00.000-06:00

The sequel to Africa's Snow White: Summer Love - Jealous Winter has just arrived at Amazon's warehouses, and is now available from both Amazon and my website.

Buy from Amazon

Buy through PayPal

Read a sample first

Africa's Snow White II: Prince Charming

2010-11-11T08:56:00.002-06:00

The sequel to Summer Love - Jealous Winter is just weeks away from availability. Since the actual shipping date is out of my hands, I'm reluctant to say when exactly, but it should be shipping from my website and Amazon.com toward the end of the month. Meanwhile, here is the back of the book summary:

A body has been found, but was it suicide or murder? The police investigator isn't sure. As the details begin to emerge, he realizes that not every crime is so easily classified. Elizabeth's romance with Charles serves as a welcome distraction, but when a letter arrives from her old boyfriend that reveals her mother’s manipulative nature, Elizabeth's slow journey toward awareness begins.

Nicholas doesn't understand why Elizabeth hasn't replied to any of his letters, but he's determined to find out. Siesta is small enough, and he plans to find and confront her there.

As the book rockets toward its conclusion, Elizabeth finds an old, unopened letter, which has the potential to reach out from the grave to haunt the living and point the finger of blame.

Meanwhile one of Elizabeth's boyfriends decides to visit her in Wellington. Charles has agreed to stay out of the way, but a few words is all it takes to fire Charles with righteous fury to protect the virtue of his girlfriend—or so he thinks.

And here is the feedback I've recieved so far:

“I'm pleased to see my prediction, of a sequel to Jonathan's first novel, come true. I'm delighted to see the characters from his first book mature in his new novel and go on to experience all the ups and downs and challenges of making one's way in the South Africa of that time, of trying to come to terms with living in a country as divided as it then was. I look forward to seeing how Jonathan deals with the challenges faced by so many individuals and families in South Africa in his upcoming novels. Once again, the references to St. Andrew's School evoke many memories for me from my own years as a student in Bloemfontein. Although I was not at St. Andrews, my father was head of the old boys' association, and therefore, by osmosis, I got to know something of the school and knew many of the pupils and teachers of the 1960's. St. Andrews, which was founded in 1863 in the old zuid-afrikaanse republiek, has seen many changes taking place around it over the years. I hope that Jonathan's books attract many students from abroad to this wonderful school. Jonathan, we are proud of you, keep up the good work and I look forward to the next in the series.”
—Ambassador Leslie Manley, Ambassador from South Africa to Panamá, Ecuador, Bolivia, and Perú

“An alluring tale of love and deception. Jonathan displays exceptional skills painting vivid scenes for the reader. A great escape that will have you glued to your seat.”
—Dr. Sylvie Raymond, English Lecturer, United Arab Emirates University

“Eloff's second novel is an excellent sequel that will leave you wanting to know more about this intriguing story. You're guaranteed to lose sleep as you keep turning the pages late into the night.”
—Jody Hussey, ESL Teacher

“Fear and hope, sadness, love, and conspiracy, all centered around one family, set in the romantic scenery of South Africa. When you remember his first wonderful novel, Summer Love - Jealous Winter, immediately you recognize and appreciate Jonathan Eloff's unique style of writing. Every word comes out of his heart, but he leaves one question open for his readers: What's in this princess's future?”
–Karin Forster, German Journalist and Talk Show Moderator

“In my capacity as editor in chief of a large German news organization, I often interviewed world leaders such as Nelson Mandela and Mikhail Gorbachev. My wife and I have met this talented young author and shared some wine with him, and again I find that some of the most interesting stories are found when interviewing the people affected by the decisions of these world leaders.”
–Kurt Forster, Editor In Chief

“In his new book, Prince Charming, Jonathan Eloff offers vivid, masterful description and colorful insights into the continuing the saga of the two generations introduced in his first book. The innocence of young love contrasts sharply with scenes of vindictive treachery, as this amazing story unfolds. I am intrigued by the young folk as they strive to work out the usual pangs of romance, dismally thwarted by Constance, who contrives to manipulate her world and everyone in it. The plot cleverly navigates some incredible twists and turns as the characters attempt to build their own lives with only a limited awareness of Constance’s determination to control every possible outcome. Ultimately, as Constance manages to conquer her own demons, her daughter, Elizabeth, comes to realize a critical truth of her own. Once again, Eloff has cleverly created a page turner with some unexpected and often surprising results.”
—Margaret Wolf, High School English Teacher, Alberta, Canada

Final Chapters: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-11-08T16:40:00.001-06:00

Here are the last two chapters of Summer Love - Jealous Winter

Click here to read Chapter 47

Click here to read Chapter 48

If you enjoyed the first book, you can preorder the sequel, which is now going to print, and will be shipping from Amazon and my website toward the end of November. Check back on Thursday for details!

Chapter 44-46: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-11-04T11:44:00.002-05:00

Click here to read Chapter 44

Click here to read Chapter 45

Click here to read Chapter 46

Check back on the 9th for the last two chapters!

Chapter 41-43: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-11-02T15:19:00.000-05:00

Click here to read Chapter 41

Click here to read Chapter 42

Click here to read Chapter 43

Check back on the 4th for the next lot!

Chapter 38 - 40: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-28T14:22:00.003-05:00

Click here to read Chapter 38

Click here to read Chapter 39

Click here to read Chapter 40

Check back on the 2nd for the next lot!

Chapter 35 - 37: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-26T15:52:00.001-05:00

Click here to read Chapter 35

Click here to read Chapter 36

Click here to read Chapter 37

Check back on the 28th for the next lot!

Chapter 32 - 34: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

Since the sequel to Summer Love - Jealous Winter is going to print and should be available in about a month, I've decided to release 6 chapters a week, that is 3 on Tuesdays, and 3 on Thursdays. Enjoy!

Click here to read Chapter 32

Click here to read Chapter 33

Click here to read Chapter 34

Check back on the 26th for the next lot!

Chapter 30 & 31: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

Another bonus for my tardiness:

Here is Chapter 30:

Click here to read Chapter 30

And Chapter 31:

Click here to read Chapter 31

Check back on the 21st for Chapter 32!

Chapter 29: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-14T12:45:00.000-05:00

Here is the 29th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 29

Check back on the 19th for Chapter 30!

A Piece of Me

2010-10-13T22:55:00.001-05:00

Well, tonight I hopped in a time machine and went back 6 or 7 years. That was back before I developed repetitive strain injuries from the computer, back when I could still play the piano.

Makes me kind of nostalgic listening to my recordings, so I thought I'd share a piece of one here. The song is actually 12 minutes long, and that makes it a huge file, so I've trimmed it down to a more reasonable size. Download if you like. Bear in mind it's an original composition. I went to music lessons once, for a year, when I was 8 or 9, and didn't do very well because I didn't like to do my homework :).

Fiat Lux - Let There be Light

Chapter 27 & 28: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-12T19:06:00.000-05:00

Here are another two chapters, a bonus for my tardiness:

Here is Chapter 27:

Click here to read Chapter 27

And Chapter 28:

Click here to read Chapter 28

Check back on the 14th for Chapter 29!

Chapter 26: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

Here is the 26th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 26

Check back on the 12th of October for Chapter 27!

Chapter 24 & 25: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-10-06T12:33:00.000-05:00

Looks like I missed my deadline again. Here are another two chapters to make up for it:

Here is Chapter 24:

Click here to read Chapter 24

And Chapter 25:

Click here to read Chapter 25

Check back on the 7th for Chapter 26!

Chapter 23: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-30T08:13:00.001-05:00

Here is the 23th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 23

Check back on the 5th of October for Chapter 24!

Chapter 21 & 22: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-29T11:15:00.000-05:00

Again, sorry for the delay. As a consolation for the ocassaional delays I'll be releasing two chapters today.

Here is Chapter 21:

Click here to read Chapter 21

And Chapter 22:

Click here to read Chapter 22

Check back on the 30th for Chapter 23!

Chapter 20: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-23T15:07:00.000-05:00

Here is the 20th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 20

Check back on the 28th for Chapter 21!

Chapter 19: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

Here is the 19th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 19

Check back on the 23rd for Chapter 20!

Chapter 18: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-17T19:45:00.001-05:00

Here is the 18th chapter, sorry for the delay:

Click here to read Chapter 18

Check back on the 21st for Chapter 19!

Chapter 17: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-14T16:30:00.001-05:00

Here is the 17th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 17

Check back on the 16th for Chapter 18!

Chapter 16: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-10T00:35:00.001-05:00

Here is the 16th chapter, sorry for the delay:

Click here to read Chapter 16

Check back on the 14th for Chapter 17!

Chapter 15: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-07T18:55:00.002-05:00

Here is the 15th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 15

Check back on the 9th for Chapter 16!

Chapter 14: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-09-02T12:34:00.001-05:00

Here is the 14th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 14

Check back on the 7th for Chapter 15!

Chapter 13: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-31T10:16:00.000-05:00

Here is the 13th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 13

Check back on the 2nd for Chapter 14!

Chapter 12: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-26T10:21:00.000-05:00

Here is the 12th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 12

Check back on the 31st for Chapter 13!

Chapter 11: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-24T16:32:00.002-05:00

Here is the 11th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 11

Check back on the 26th for Chapter 12!

Chapter 10: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-19T17:32:00.000-05:00

As promised, here is Chapter 10:

Click here to read chapter 10

Check back on the 24th for Chapter 11.

Chapter 9: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-17T20:53:00.001-05:00

Here is the 9th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 9

Check back in two days for chapter 10.

Chapter 8: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-12T12:44:00.001-05:00

Here is the 8th chapter, and the beginning of section 2 in the book:

Click here to read Chapter 8

Check back on Tuesday the 17th for Chapter 9.

Chapter 7: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-10T11:08:00.000-05:00

Here is the seventh chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 7

You'll find Chapter 8 here on the 12th of August.

Chapter 6: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-06T10:12:00.000-05:00

Here is the sixth chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 6

Sorry for the delay. Check back on Tuesday for Chapter 7.

Chapter 5: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-08-03T10:58:00.001-05:00

As promised here is the 5th chapter:

Click here to read Chapter 5

Check back on August 5th for chapter 6.

Chapter 4: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-07-29T12:15:00.002-05:00

Here is the fourth chapter of Summer Love - Jealous Winter:

Click here to read Chapter 4

Check back here on Tuesday August 3rd for Chapter 5.

Chapter 3: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-07-27T22:44:00.005-05:00

Here is the third chapter of Summer Love - Jealous Winter:

Click here to read Chapter 3

From now on chapters will be released twice weekly, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Chapter 2: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-07-21T12:01:00.002-05:00

You can find the second chapter of Summer Love - Jealous Winter here:

Click here to read Chapter 2

Be sure to check back here next Monday for chapter 3.

Chapter 1: Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-07-15T10:07:00.004-05:00

You can find the first chapter of Summer Love - Jealous Winter here:

Click here to read Chapter 1

Be sure to check back here next Monday for Chapter 2!

Serializing Summer Love - Jealous Winter

2010-06-30T13:27:00.001-05:00

For those of you who like to read at your computers, I'm going to start releasing Summer Love - Jealous Winter in a series of blog posts. The first chapter coming soon!

For now, here's something to whet your appetite:

What others are saying about

Africa’s Snow White
Summer Love - Jealous Winter

“A delightful read. It evoked in me memories of my own teenage years, growing up in Cape Town. My father was from the Free State Province of South Africa and went to St. Andrew’s School in Bloemfontein in the early 1920’s as a boarder. When we later went back to Bloemfontein as a family in the mid-1960’s, my father was Chairperson of the St. Andrew’s Old Boys’ Association and I got to know the school well, although I never attended St. Andrew’s. I am sure my father would have enjoyed the passages about the school and the typical schoolboy pranks. I now serve the people of South Africa as Ambassador to Panama and have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know the author. I look forward to reading Jonathan’s sequel to this book, as I am sure there will be one.”
—Ambassador Leslie Manley, Ambassador from South Africa to Panamá, Ecuador, Bolivia, and Perú

“As the title suggests, Summer Love - Jealous Winter is a story of innocence and treachery. On one level there is pure, innocent teenage love in a simpler time, but underneath, controlling even the innocent, is the conniving manipulation of the antagonist. From the start, I was curious to discover how the innocence and treachery would mesh. Well, I was not disappointed. The tension mounts; the suspense is gripping. This seemingly gentle novel became a page turner that threatened to keep me up all night! Eloff has cleverly woven the diver¬gent threads into a powerful ending.”
—Margaret Wolf, High School English Teacher, Alberta, Canada

“This fact-fiction fairytale is the beginnings of an amazing love story intricately woven against the backdrop of South Africa. It is textured and spirited and manages to lure the reader into its pages. I expect to see great things from this young, new writer and am looking forward to the sequel.”
—Geraldine Cilliers, Qualified Librarian and Book Reviewer (worked for Rootz Magazine in South Africa)

“Jonathan Eloff beautifully weaves together true life events of romance, heartbreak, betrayal, and suspense all the while describing South Africa’s natural landscape and daily life at the end of the Apartheid.”
—Jody Hussey, ESL Teacher, B.A. in History from Wilfrid Laurier University in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

“Tender, hilarious, captivating . . .”
—Sue Merralls, Special Events Organizer, Alberta, Canada

Walmart Clown Commercial (Hilarious!)

2010-02-11T13:34:00.001-06:00

Good for a laugh if you haven't already seen it. Make sure you have your sound turned up!

Impressions of Twilight (the novel)

2010-01-20T09:33:00.001-06:00

Genre: fantasy/gothic romance
My rating: 4/5
Content rating: Very Clean: no swearing, no graphic violence, no sex
Comment: A surprisingly good read.

For those of you who haven't read the books, or watched the movies, I'm not going to spoil anything for you, but if you haven't either read or watched Twilight, you should know that I used to be in your camp, and probably for the same reason--I didn't think I'd like it.

So I went into reading this book with a lot of preconceptions, in fact, expecting to be disappointed and confused by the book's popularity. As a writer, however, I felt duty bound to read what everybody else is reading, and at least try to relate to their fascination. Now, upon finishing the book, I'm happy to report that I may now be counted among Twilight's fans.

It is by no means a classical romance, and if you can't appreciate fantasy, you probably won't appreciate this series either. Despite being Gothic Fiction, there was nothing unusually dark about this book. There were no references to Satanism, other than perhaps to occasionally allude to vampires as "demons," but in this story, the vampires are just like anyone else in their propensity for good or evil, except that they start at a deficit, because on a physiological level they crave to kill (for obvious reasons). The “good” vampires found a creative solution to this problem, which almost everyone should be able to relate to. The bad ones just embraced the whole serial killer thing.

If you still think that vampires and romance don't go together, you should probably know that Stephenie Meyer carefully crafted them to be everyone's ideal in terms of physical attributes, and once you get to know a few of them, you might begin to suspect that these "monsters" represent ideals of conscience and morality, too. Moreover, the story taps into the recent superhero craze that has catapulted Marvel movies into the blockbuster category more often than not. Faster than a speeding bullet, invincible, immortal, strong as Superman, agile as Spiderman . . . even with a few of the wilder abilities of the Jedi from Star Wars, these vampires make Dracula look pretty pale by comparison (not literally, since they're all white as ghosts). And then, to cater just a little bit more to the female audience, the heroine, Isabella, is every girl. Literally, I think she embodies every girl's fantasies, fears, and realities. She's described as pretty ordinary, but everyone in the book finds her extraordinary. She has just the right mixture of modesty, shyness, and hidden potential that makes her an easy character to relate to. Personally, I found myself relating more to the vampire hero, but that was probably just a desperate attempt to hold on to my masculinity (the books are written in the first-person, from the heroine's point of view, so she gets to say things like "I love you, Edward," and then when I'm reading it, it sounds like she's putting words in my mouth--no offence Edward, but you're really not my type).

Despite the fact that the books and movies appeal primarily to a female audience, I found that I was still able to relate to and enjoy the story--occasionally I even stopped noticing that my gender had been summarily changed. So, without giving too much away, if you haven't read the books or watched the movies yet (and the more rational part of your mind doesn't object too much to superheroes with superpowers), I'd recommend you stow your preconceptions long enough to do one or the other. I think you'll find the story is surprisingly good.

On the Road

2009-12-19T07:53:00.004-06:00

Streetlights flashing by, glowing vermilion, like candles in the dark.

Not really sure where I'm going,
Only aware that it's not enough to be on the road,
If I don't know where to get off.

The heater’s broken and the ice outside is creeping in.

Passing streets and passing towns,
Nothing to set one apart from the other.
Not really sure what I'm looking for,
Only aware that I haven't found it yet.

Streetlights flashing by—if only there was some warmth in that light to melt the ice.

Eventually I'll have to stop,
But if I only stop when I reach the end of the road,
Where will that leave me?

Copyright © 2008 by Jonathan Eloff

Broken Glass

2009-11-22T14:36:00.003-06:00

All the tears I never let myself cry,
Turn to broken glass when they dry.

You might think you know me,
But we all keep our worst where others can't see.

When I think of all the things I could have done,
It just makes the anger come.

Hold on to yourself.
You never know when you might change.
Before you know it someone else is walking in your shoes,
And all the choices you would have made are no longer yours to choose.

Copyright © 2009 by Jonathan Eloff

Tomorrow

2009-10-02T15:22:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is where I will be
When you look on and say
That yesterday is not quite where
You want for me to stay.

Move on, move on Let the past, be past.
Move on, move on Let the past, stay past.

Tomorrow is where you’ll see
The waking roses bloom.
Yesterday isn’t what you thought.

Copyright © 2005 by Jonathan Eloff

Where am I?

2009-09-25T00:09:00.007-05:00

Head down.
Feet planted.
Ready now.
Don't bother looking behind you,
Because I'm already ahead.
It just depends which way you're facing.
Where am I?

If you want to see, then look,
If you want to hear, then listen,
If you want to run, then catch your breath,
And if you want to write . . . find a pen.
Where am I?

A blank page.
A whistling wind.
Life all around me, yet I can't look.
There's no time to delay or I'll miss my flight,
But if you want to stay, I won't fight.
Where am I?

Hands shaking.
Mind reeling.
Not ready yet.
I look behind me, but no one's there,
Because you're already ahead.
It just depends which way I'm facing.
Where am I?

I'm with you.

Copyright © 2007 by Jonathan Eloff